Drowning in my tears

So last night was kind of a turning point for me… I hadn’t seen chase in a few days.. and krista says i’ve been moping around… but i say its just cause i’ve been sick.. w/e lol so we catch the bus over to his house… we get there and he decides he’s leaving to go have sex with Aaron, like really??? but not before he plays me this beautiful song, and tells me it reminds him of me.. and the words are like..us exactly… and it makes me cry… and we have this big emotional moment, and i beg him not to leave.. and whats he do? he leaves… and i’m just floored… like really? all for a good nut??? and so he gets on fb and is messaging me… and is like are you upset… and blah blah blah… and I’ll come home right now if i have to… and I’m like dude, you don’t owe me anything… I haven’t got any claim on you… and he’s like you’re my heart… blah blah you mean so much to me.. and I’m just left wondering… yeah, but HOW much?? So I wrote him this big long letter like asking him to bare it all to me so i know where I stand.. cause I’m tired of being fed scraps under the table… ‘m worth so much more.. I love him so much… he has no idea the lengths I’d go through just to be with him… I want to like… start a family with him… i love him… but it looks like i might have to start a family on my own…

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